Wow, I had no idea time was slipping away like that. A week.. almost two weeks ago, I hit sort of a sad funk.. and just never got out of it. But I'm starting to. So, back to this.
Okay, so I went back to the doctor to be told that all my labs look excellent but symptomatically I really REALLY seem like I have PCOS and she wants to go ahead and try out the mild medications to see if it helps.
I've started Metformin for insulin production and Spironolactone for hormonal balancing. I've also maintained less than 1800 calories for 4 days. It's been weird. Almost immediately, I started dropping a few pounds. Not weighed in a few days, but I feel better than I have in weeks.
I've finally accepted that maybe I haven't been adjusting to my "change in living situations" as well as I wanted to think and that I'm just now starting to adjust to being so completely alone. So instead of allowing myself to want to sleep all the time, I've been forcing myself to act and do what needs to be done.. instead of going to bed, which is basically all I've wanted to do.
I'm also going to get one of those natural wavelength lightbulbs and put over my workstation in the apartment. My rooms get NO direct sunlight at all.
Anyway.. back to work..
and yes, I started a new painting.
Showing posts with label PCOS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PCOS. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
2 days until the start of the experiment...
So, in trying to get in the 'spirit' of blogging everyday, here goes.
Today is 2 days before the start of the experiment. I've been trying to make a list of what kind of groceries I'm going to need to get to do the less than 1800 calorie a day thing, and that's not as hard as one would initially think. It's just, gotta be careful what I pick and choose. I should probably get a lot of fruit, but the problem with that is, fruit doesn't keep very long and is more expensive and I'm working 10 hour shifts this week. The LAST thing I'm gonna want to do is go by the grocery store on my way home and pick up some fruit. Yogurt, salad stuffs.. chicken that is skinless and can be easily baked or grilled. Oatmeal. And slimfast.
Yes, I know, I've had ALL my friends tell me how awful and terrible slimfast is. How marvelously unhealthy it is for you and how it never works. Thing is.. it's a set amount of calories, vitamins and minerals, and I'm not the sort of person that delights in cooking anyway. Matter of fact, I hate to cook. I really do. And it's not like I'm going to be sucking back slimfast every single meal. But on the mornings and at lunch times when I'm hungry and I'm in a rush, it sure is going to beat the temptation of a doughnut.
I also went ahead and picked up the rogaine for women. The Wal-green's brand for a 4 month supply was the same as the Rogaine brand for 1 month. I don't see any differences in the ingredients. I did this for approximately 3 weeks 6 months ago. I stopped it mainly because, turns out Rogaine is extremely toxic to kitty cats. Before I moved out, I had two precious cats that had a habit of sleeping above my head and soemtimes they would lick my hair. I was just terribly afraid that even that would cause them some harm. Now though, I have no cats, and do not have to worry about that. I do seriously miss them, but right now I can't afford the pet deposit and I really don't want to remove them from the house they've always known. Besides, my kid and my husband, the cats keep them company.
Also, today.. I scored at a yard sale. Coffee table and end tables with glass inserts, a micro suede lounger, a big ornamental fan for kiddo's room (when she stays here) and a big metal, ornate baker's rack with a natural wood desk top and drawers.. for 60 dollars.. Kiddo likes the lounger, I like the baker's rack and am thinking of cutting the legs off a chair i already have and making it my workstation for my laptop. I think it would help things dramatically to have a set area to draw and work.
2 days till the start of the experiment and counting.
That's all.
Today is 2 days before the start of the experiment. I've been trying to make a list of what kind of groceries I'm going to need to get to do the less than 1800 calorie a day thing, and that's not as hard as one would initially think. It's just, gotta be careful what I pick and choose. I should probably get a lot of fruit, but the problem with that is, fruit doesn't keep very long and is more expensive and I'm working 10 hour shifts this week. The LAST thing I'm gonna want to do is go by the grocery store on my way home and pick up some fruit. Yogurt, salad stuffs.. chicken that is skinless and can be easily baked or grilled. Oatmeal. And slimfast.
Yes, I know, I've had ALL my friends tell me how awful and terrible slimfast is. How marvelously unhealthy it is for you and how it never works. Thing is.. it's a set amount of calories, vitamins and minerals, and I'm not the sort of person that delights in cooking anyway. Matter of fact, I hate to cook. I really do. And it's not like I'm going to be sucking back slimfast every single meal. But on the mornings and at lunch times when I'm hungry and I'm in a rush, it sure is going to beat the temptation of a doughnut.
I also went ahead and picked up the rogaine for women. The Wal-green's brand for a 4 month supply was the same as the Rogaine brand for 1 month. I don't see any differences in the ingredients. I did this for approximately 3 weeks 6 months ago. I stopped it mainly because, turns out Rogaine is extremely toxic to kitty cats. Before I moved out, I had two precious cats that had a habit of sleeping above my head and soemtimes they would lick my hair. I was just terribly afraid that even that would cause them some harm. Now though, I have no cats, and do not have to worry about that. I do seriously miss them, but right now I can't afford the pet deposit and I really don't want to remove them from the house they've always known. Besides, my kid and my husband, the cats keep them company.
Also, today.. I scored at a yard sale. Coffee table and end tables with glass inserts, a micro suede lounger, a big ornamental fan for kiddo's room (when she stays here) and a big metal, ornate baker's rack with a natural wood desk top and drawers.. for 60 dollars.. Kiddo likes the lounger, I like the baker's rack and am thinking of cutting the legs off a chair i already have and making it my workstation for my laptop. I think it would help things dramatically to have a set area to draw and work.
2 days till the start of the experiment and counting.
That's all.
Friday, September 17, 2010
You don't know me from shinola...
Okay.. so, my name is L. Hall and I live somewhere in the southern United States, and you're already asking yourself.. why am I reading this person's first page?
I haven't a clue.
More importantly, I'm not really sure if I should care.
You see, this blog is my personal accountability to myself. Typically.. I have none. I'm 38 years old, 80+ pounds overweight, really confused about what I want and where I want my life to go. For years, I've had all these voices in my head (no, i'm not schizophrenic); my parents, my husband (who was my first serious boyfriend), my friends, my doctors.. and I've never once done a single thing thing that was what my own voice told me to do. Matter of fact, I don't even know what my own voice sounds like. And my self-loathing has gotten the point that I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. One of my worst fears (my hair is seriously thinning.. I can see my scalp reflecting in the sunlight on the top now) is realizing itself, I can't seem to lose the weight no matter how hard I try and it's now compounded by the fact I slightly injured my back and had my whole left leg go numb for about 6 weeks. Now I'm getting feeling back, but I'm still left with this horrible realization that this is not who, or what, or where I wanted to be. Which leaves the question.. what the heck DO I want?
Well, a few days ago I finally admitted to myself that yes, my hair is thinning to the point that men start doing comb overs, the weight isn't going away no matter what I seem to do, and maybe I need to see a doctor about this. So, went to the doctor, started telling her my concerns (something akin to I'd rather lose my breasts instead of my hair and sobbing uncontrollably), and then she started asking me questions.. irregular menstrual cycles, abnormal hair growth elsewhere (which I really don't exhibit), abnormal levels of testosterone.. and now I find I might have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. So, now I've had an amazing amount of blood drawn from my arm and will follow up with my doctor. But, whether or not I have this, it's given me some hope.
I have never mastered anything.. I have never completed anything. I started a web comic, and let it drift away. I started a marriage and have moved myself into a small apartment and don't know where that's going to go. I started trying to lose weight, I get frustrated and quit.
So, this is my 3 month experiment. I don't have any particular goals other than to finish the full 3 months. Starting September 20th, I will:
1. Exercise every day and maintain an 1800 calorie a day diet. This includes eating healthier and less starches and carbs. More veggietables. Absolutely no soda pop.
2. Blog about it every day (no excuses). Even if it's something as mundane as
"I don't feel like writing today."
3. Draw something every day. Cartoons, celtic knotwork, birds.. doesn't matter. The goal of this is to get back to doing my web comic, which I really enjoyed and was very proud of.
4. Do something about my thinning hair. In this case, the liquid rogaine for women. See if it actually helps.
At the end of the three months.. I'll see what has managed to sieve through and if I can actually complete a goal.
These aren't big goals, but I need to do something. Right now, I'm drifting in my own head toward.. nothing. I need to find something of my voice, find something I want in my life (or at the very least, figure out what I don't want), and find a path.
So yeah.. that's all.
I haven't a clue.
More importantly, I'm not really sure if I should care.
You see, this blog is my personal accountability to myself. Typically.. I have none. I'm 38 years old, 80+ pounds overweight, really confused about what I want and where I want my life to go. For years, I've had all these voices in my head (no, i'm not schizophrenic); my parents, my husband (who was my first serious boyfriend), my friends, my doctors.. and I've never once done a single thing thing that was what my own voice told me to do. Matter of fact, I don't even know what my own voice sounds like. And my self-loathing has gotten the point that I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. One of my worst fears (my hair is seriously thinning.. I can see my scalp reflecting in the sunlight on the top now) is realizing itself, I can't seem to lose the weight no matter how hard I try and it's now compounded by the fact I slightly injured my back and had my whole left leg go numb for about 6 weeks. Now I'm getting feeling back, but I'm still left with this horrible realization that this is not who, or what, or where I wanted to be. Which leaves the question.. what the heck DO I want?
Well, a few days ago I finally admitted to myself that yes, my hair is thinning to the point that men start doing comb overs, the weight isn't going away no matter what I seem to do, and maybe I need to see a doctor about this. So, went to the doctor, started telling her my concerns (something akin to I'd rather lose my breasts instead of my hair and sobbing uncontrollably), and then she started asking me questions.. irregular menstrual cycles, abnormal hair growth elsewhere (which I really don't exhibit), abnormal levels of testosterone.. and now I find I might have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. So, now I've had an amazing amount of blood drawn from my arm and will follow up with my doctor. But, whether or not I have this, it's given me some hope.
I have never mastered anything.. I have never completed anything. I started a web comic, and let it drift away. I started a marriage and have moved myself into a small apartment and don't know where that's going to go. I started trying to lose weight, I get frustrated and quit.
So, this is my 3 month experiment. I don't have any particular goals other than to finish the full 3 months. Starting September 20th, I will:
1. Exercise every day and maintain an 1800 calorie a day diet. This includes eating healthier and less starches and carbs. More veggietables. Absolutely no soda pop.
2. Blog about it every day (no excuses). Even if it's something as mundane as
"I don't feel like writing today."
3. Draw something every day. Cartoons, celtic knotwork, birds.. doesn't matter. The goal of this is to get back to doing my web comic, which I really enjoyed and was very proud of.
4. Do something about my thinning hair. In this case, the liquid rogaine for women. See if it actually helps.
At the end of the three months.. I'll see what has managed to sieve through and if I can actually complete a goal.
These aren't big goals, but I need to do something. Right now, I'm drifting in my own head toward.. nothing. I need to find something of my voice, find something I want in my life (or at the very least, figure out what I don't want), and find a path.
So yeah.. that's all.
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