Day 3

Today has been an interesting day.

First off, I managed to do ALL the things I said I was going to. I managed to stay below 1800 calories, I exercised, I drew and now i'm blogging. Right off the bat, let me say that dried pineapple is not as tasty as one would imagine. A bit like a cross between a pineapple flavored gummy and a booger. Yeah, didn't like the dried pineapple.
On the other hand, the "Fullbar" by.. I don't know who, is absolutely delicious.. and works. I got the peanut butter crunch, and wow. Better than a snickers, more appetizing than a rice cake and actually does what it says it does. It completely fills you up. I am definatively impressed.
The exercise I did was relatively simple. 30 minutes on an elliptical, which gets you sweating more than a 45 minute walk, though the walk would have given me fresh air. After work today, I came straight home, had a profound experience (and no, not the kind you're thinking of), and by that time, it was so dark I wasn't really comfortable walking outside. You know, I think it would be cool to be able to rent someone to walk at night with you. There's just something different about walking outside with the shadows of the streetlamps, the breeze lightly touching your face and rustling leaves mysteriously. Sounds that during the day are regular neighborhood sounds take on a completely different spin at night and fire your imagination.

So, much better day today, and hopefully, will be able to keep it up tomorrow.

Final thought: Sometimes a really good friend let's you see a different section of their brain, and occasionally... it's amazing.

Day 2

Well, Today started off a little better. I didn't oversleep, which is always a plus.. I had my slimfast for breakfast, worked and at lunch, traipsed down to the Farmer's Market with my coworker and friend, M.
It was a very pleasant walk and honestly it was nice to get some fresh air and sunshine. Today was our longer day at work, so a nice break. The Farmer's Market wasn't as full as it has been, which is understandable as the summer has come to a close and we're creeping into fall, but there were still some great pumpkins, tomatos, squash, peppers and apples there. I nabbed a really pretty golden apple and got M some zucchini. Great stuff. Then we went by the cafeteria, and I flubbed. I was so hungry and that Hot Brown Melt looked so good. I got it, green beans and steamed carrots. I didn't get a soda. I did get green tea, and had a bottle of water before I left work.
So in getting home, I still felt kind of .. bleh. Have for two days. My mind is having a hard time settling the past few days. All I really wanted to do was just go to bed. I wanted the day to be over. But even I can recognize that when you're not especially tired and you want to go to bed at 8:00pm, that's probably not a good thing. Besides, I said I would draw everyday.
So, I got out my paper, pencils.. and looked for my circle guide. I use my circle guide for everything. I mean everything. Celtic stuff, cartooning, etc. And I can't find it. So, in an effort to procrastinate even more, I ran out to staples. I now have a circle guide and some swooby erasers. While I was out, I ran by (i know.. horror of horrors) Dunkin Donuts and got a vanilla Chai. there goes the 1800 calorie limit. This is NOT going well. And I called another friend of mine, T.
In the course of making him laugh so hard he almost wrecked as I recounted the story of the epic package that TRIED to make it's way to England and the postal worker who gave me the number for a single chat line and told me it was the claims department, he suggested I get out of the apartment more.. and recommended a funky little coffee house downtown on High Street called "Common Grounds".
As anti-social as I am, that actually sounds like.. I don't know.. fun. So, we're going to make plans to meet down there.

whew.

So, I get back, start to fiddle around with some cartooning and realize that I haven't actually drawn a cartoon in .. almost years. I'm very rusty. But within 30 minutes I had a cartoon outlined (simple cartoon) with facial expressions, and low and behold.. I remember my password and login to my old comic and voila! an updated comic page. How about that?

I also look down and realize it's almost 10:30pm, I've not tried to go to bed in an effort to just make the day end and I remembered to blog. 3 out of 4 items isn't bad, but it's not good enough. Ah well, we'll try again tomorrow.

You don't know me from shinola...

Okay.. so, my name is L. Hall and I live somewhere in the southern United States, and you're already asking yourself.. why am I reading this person's first page?

I haven't a clue.

More importantly, I'm not really sure if I should care.

You see, this blog is my personal accountability to myself. Typically.. I have none. I'm 38 years old, 80+ pounds overweight, really confused about what I want and where I want my life to go. For years, I've had all these voices in my head (no, i'm not schizophrenic); my parents, my husband (who was my first serious boyfriend), my friends, my doctors.. and I've never once done a single thing thing that was what my own voice told me to do. Matter of fact, I don't even know what my own voice sounds like. And my self-loathing has gotten the point that I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. One of my worst fears (my hair is seriously thinning.. I can see my scalp reflecting in the sunlight on the top now) is realizing itself, I can't seem to lose the weight no matter how hard I try and it's now compounded by the fact I slightly injured my back and had my whole left leg go numb for about 6 weeks. Now I'm getting feeling back, but I'm still left with this horrible realization that this is not who, or what, or where I wanted to be. Which leaves the question.. what the heck DO I want?

Well, a few days ago I finally admitted to myself that yes, my hair is thinning to the point that men start doing comb overs, the weight isn't going away no matter what I seem to do, and maybe I need to see a doctor about this. So, went to the doctor, started telling her my concerns (something akin to I'd rather lose my breasts instead of my hair and sobbing uncontrollably), and then she started asking me questions.. irregular menstrual cycles, abnormal hair growth elsewhere (which I really don't exhibit), abnormal levels of testosterone.. and now I find I might have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. So, now I've had an amazing amount of blood drawn from my arm and will follow up with my doctor. But, whether or not I have this, it's given me some hope.

I have never mastered anything.. I have never completed anything. I started a web comic, and let it drift away. I started a marriage and have moved myself into a small apartment and don't know where that's going to go. I started trying to lose weight, I get frustrated and quit.

So, this is my 3 month experiment. I don't have any particular goals other than to finish the full 3 months. Starting September 20th, I will:

1. Exercise every day and maintain an 1800 calorie a day diet. This includes eating healthier and less starches and carbs. More veggietables. Absolutely no soda pop.

2. Blog about it every day (no excuses). Even if it's something as mundane as
"I don't feel like writing today."

3. Draw something every day. Cartoons, celtic knotwork, birds.. doesn't matter. The goal of this is to get back to doing my web comic, which I really enjoyed and was very proud of.

4. Do something about my thinning hair. In this case, the liquid rogaine for women. See if it actually helps.

At the end of the three months.. I'll see what has managed to sieve through and if I can actually complete a goal.

These aren't big goals, but I need to do something. Right now, I'm drifting in my own head toward.. nothing. I need to find something of my voice, find something I want in my life (or at the very least, figure out what I don't want), and find a path.

So yeah.. that's all.